The complimenting challenge for both singles and couples
This article comprises of a practical assignment that will have a positive effect on many aspects of your life. If you’ve been following my twitter profile recently then you will have noticed that the lead up to this challenge revolves around thinking about the best compliments you have ever been given and how you felt when you received them.
The following complimenting challenge takes very little time out of your daily routine (in fact it is incorporated directly into it) and will have a profound effect on both your dating life and relationships…
The complimenting challenge for singles:
The complimenting challenge for singles is to compliment at least one stranger every day whilst going about your daily business, and doing so without any agenda.
The more creative you can be with your compliments the better. I would actually advise against complimenting physical attributes. It takes a high amount of social experience to deliver generic compliments about looks without sounding rapport-seeking.
Instead, design your compliments around something unique to each person, such as an interesting accessory they are wearing or how they hold themselves. Say your compliment with a smile and then leave without expecting any response. I’ve done this countless times over the years and you’ll be amazed at how many people stop you from leaving and thank you sincerely.
A lot of people struggle with approaching strangers and starting conversations due to a fear of rejection. The beauty of this challenge is that because you have no agenda, no outcome dependence, and no intention of starting a conversation, you can’t actually be rejected! Anything that happens beyond the initial compliment is an unintentional bonus. After a short while doing this challenge, you will probably realise just how friendly and approachable most people are!
The complimenting challenge for couples:
Even if you are in a relationship, I still recommend implementing some of the above ideas into your life. It characterises someone who is sociable, friendly and positive. However, the extension of the complimenting challenge for couples is aimed directly at appreciating your girlfriend or boyfriend more.
It is easy to start taking your partner for granted as a relationship progresses. Most people are extremely complimentary at the beginning of a relationship, but over time these acts can become less frequent or sincere as a couple become overly familiar with each other.
The complimenting challenge for couples is to start making an effort to appreciate the daily things your partner does that might usually go unnoticed; the things they do for you and the effort they make.
Not only will this add towards the relationship being continually positive and happy, but you will actually find that your partner starts doing more of things you highlight. Emotions are contagious and the more you compliment your partner on even the smallest things, the more they will want to continue doing them without complaint.
Summary:
The complimenting challenge is to give at least one compliment every day, either to a stranger or to your partner. 🙂
Much love,
Samuel
I’m gonna give this a whirl, I’m always out and about in the day. Do you recommend prethinking of some compliments to give or to only do it when I think of one? Also how long shall I do this for>?
Gonna start this tomorow. Excited about this already, I def need to get meeting more people!
Hey Dean,
The answer to your first question is based on how comfortable you are doing this exercise. Ideally you want to make the compliments as spontaneous as possible so that you deliver them naturally and with sincerity.
Don’t put too much pressure to actively FIND people to compliment… If you just go about your daily routine with it in the back of your mind, you’ll spot opportunities I’m sure.
As for how long to do it for, well that’s entirely up to you. I actually think it should be something everyone incorporates into their lives as an ongoing thing (like Leanne suggests in the comment below) but as a specific activity, you’ll get a good idea of the effect it has on both you and the people you speak to after a week or two.
Let us know how it all goes, 🙂
Sam
I always try and give someone a compliment – whether it’s a friend wearing a great dress or necklace or just telling a stranger that you like their bag – it’s a nice way to make someone smile and make their day a tiny bit brighter, plus, it breaks the ice and makes it easier to meet new people!
Thanks for another great post Sam!
Hi Leanne,
That’s a great attitude… You must be a lovely person to be around. 🙂
It’s great to comment on fashion and accessories like that as that’s probably the very reason that they are wearing those items in the first place! The knock-on effect is that they can then go off and spread the positivity to the people they meet too!
Thanks for your comment Leanne, 🙂
Sam
I am not on twitter as I have never really got in to all those websites. I will answer your question here though.
The best compliment I have ever been given was an elderly man at a busstop who told me I have the most beautiful smile. I think the reason why it was so nice was because it was unexpected but also I think because he was elderly it seemed more sincere not cheesey.
Compliments really can make the difference between having a bad day and an amazing day so this is a wonderful task you advised your readers.
Thankyou.
Hi Tracey,
That’s a lovely compliment to receive… thanks for sharing. Your analysis is spot on too! Elderly people come across as less threatening by default but it’s something everyone else can try and emulate too. 🙂
Thanks,
Sam
I like this:) Not only do you make other people happy by complimenting them but your own step gets a little lighter as well.
The coolest compliment I’ve ever recieved was when an old german woman at a train station told me I looked like a tree. At first I thought it was a knock to my height, but then she explained in broken english that she meant “you are beautiful and your hair flows like the leaves.” Odd, and from any other person I might have assumed they were on something, but I kept smiling about it for the rest of the day. Creative, isn’t it?
You’re a creative bloke yourself for challenging people like this. What’s the coolest compliment you’ve recieved? Think harddd-“you’re bringing sexy back” doesn’t count.
-C
Hi C (Charlie? Caroline? Cuthbert? Candy?) 🙂
I love your opening sentence… Complimenting other people definitely makes your own step lighter… that, and wearing dainty moccasins! 🙂
Haha that’s a funny story… It also shows that anything can be turned into a compliment if it is framed positively… which brings me on to my best compliment, which was a young teenager telling me I looked like a homeless man… which obviously meant I give off a free-thinking, at one with the world vibe! 🙂
Seriously though, all my best compliments come from my clients… or my girlfriend… or my mother! 🙂
Thanks for your comment beautiful tree, 🙂
Sam
Yo. Thought I’d give an update as I’v been trying this out the last few days whilst out and about and had a massive success. Think I complimented 3 people on wednesday and then 2 yesterday, all women. First 1 didn’t go well tbh as I was thinking too much and got all flustered. After that though I used the tips you gave me and didn’t even think about it just did it when the opportunitiy arose and got the exact responses you said.
This is the bit were I am wowed though. The last woman I did this with yesterday actually stopped me and started a conversation and ended up giving me her number!!! Like you said its because I didn’t force it like I normally would in that situation. It’s definitely opened my eyes to a few things mainly how I should feel when I approach and meet people. Any tips on when I should call this woman? heh
Thanks loads Sam!
Hey Dean,
Those are awesome results, I’m glad you put so much effort into this! You’re spot on with your analysis too… Being spontaneous and in the moment and without any outcome dependence is definitely the best state to be in when meeting women.
That’s awesome that she gave you her number. I’m about to e-mail you some detailed tips and thoughts regarding the follow-up/phone-call (so I don’t go too off-topic here) but you want to continue with the same attitude and vibe. In this situation it shouldn’t matter when you call; she won’t forget you! Like I said, I’ll e-mail you some detailed tips very shortly.
Well done again, 🙂
Sam