Nice guy or bad boy – find the perfect balance

Are you a nice guy?

The “nice guy” is a common term that gets casually thrown around the dating scene. It describes a man who may very well have lots of female friends, yet at the same time finds it hard to specifically convert that friendship into romantic interest with the women they desire. Ironically, women are actually looking for many of the qualities that nice guys possess, yet in popular culture women always seem to be attracted to the “bad boys”.

This article is going to break down the difference between these two contrasting behaviour types before explaining how you can attract the women you desire while still being a nice guy…

The difference between nice guys and bad boys:

Women are generally very good at describing what they want their ideal partner to be like and they will readily list off a number of qualities that nice guys typically possess: loyal, trustworthy, reliable etc. The problem is that in these circumstances women are thinking in terms of someone they could experience a long and fulfilling relationship with, not someone who is going to subconsciously attract them when they first meet. This is the first cause for why men are sometimes confused as to what women really look for in a man.

A bad boy typically has the reverse situation whereby he does display the qualities of an attractive male, yet doesn’t desire or fails to understand how to treat women when in a committed, long-term relationship.

Below is a comparative list of affectionate behaviour that is typical of a nice guy and then its attractive counterpart. As you go through the list, whether you are male or female, have a think about which category you fit into so you can decipher how your romantic interests currently perceive you:

Affectionate person                    Attractive person

Showering with compliments  Compliments only when deserving

Worried about hurting feelings  Teases about deficiencies

Always buying gifts  Plans surprises

Being predictable  Being spontaneous

Watching what you say  Saying what you think

Self-conscious  Self-assured

Clingy behaviour  Willingness to walk away

Always on hand  Leads a busy and fulfilling life

Listens to problems  Changes emotions

Being reliable  Being unpredictable

Needy behaviour  Self-sufficient

Finding the perfect balance:

Perhaps you have read through the above list and found yourself falling solely into either the affectionate category or the attractive category, or perhaps you can’t place yourself in either category for some of the statements. Either way, there are precise times in dating and relationships where it is best to display your personality using some of the traits from the affectionate side of the list. Likewise, there are other times where it is best to display your personality using some of the traits from the attractive side of the list.

At a basic level, an attractive person will get the girl whereas an affectionate person will keep the girl. The ultimate is an amalgamation of both affectionate and attractive traits. The skill then becomes a process of calibrating your personality so that you know when it is best to act more affectionate and when it is best to act more attractive. This is an ongoing process from first meeting a woman you are attracted to, right through to having a long-term relationship together.

None of the terms in the above list are inherently bad; they just all have a unique time in the progression of a relationship where they are preferential. Every relationship progresses at a different rate so it would be exhaustive to list where each of the behaviour traits would be suitable.

If you keep in mind what will come across as attractive and what will come across as affectionate using some of the ideas listed above then it shouldn’t be too hard to distinguish when each type should be adopted for yourself:

• If you sense a lack of attraction in your relationship – or if you have just met someone and want to attract them in the first place – then think about conveying your personality using the attractive traits listed.
• If you sense a lack of intimacy in your relationship then think about conveying your personality using some of the affectionate traits listed.

Much love,

Samuel