Steps for finding the perfect partner

Does the perfect partner exist? Yes. Will you ever find them? Possibly. With a degree of constructive searching though, you can increase the odds of finding someone who is very close to that elusive perfect partner ideal. Here are some of the ways you can skew the odds in your favour to find that perfect match…

Know exactly what you are looking for:

People often jump into relationships far too easily. Time and time again I hear from friends of mine about how they really want to be in a relationship… and the next minute, at the first opportunity, they are in one. Knowing you want a relationship is not enough if you actually want to find someone who really fulfils all your criteria for a suitable partner. Rarely do people sit down and think about what they really want in a partner, expecting their dreams to be satisfied through blind faith alone.

Start by writing down a list of traits you are looking for in a partner. The more detailed it is, the better, although personality traits and behaviours are far more effective to concentrate on than physical ones. The result of having a list like this is that from then on, whenever you meet a potential suitor, you will subconsciously – or depending on how abundant your dating life is, consciously – screen that person to see if they are what you are looking for. Obviously when you meet someone new, you don’t want to be literally standing there ticking off a list. Subconsciously qualifying suitors is natural and they will undoubtedly be doing a similar analysis of you. People can willingly adapt if they are attracted to someone, so don’t be ruthless initially.

It’s a numbers game:

If you only ever meet men or women you are introduced to through mutual acquaintances or through work, perhaps you can meet five to ten people of varying quality a week. If you have a variety of hobbies, lots of friends and an active social life, you can meet HUNDREDS of men or women every month, and that is no exaggeration.

The more people you meet and the more proactive your dating life is, the greater chance you have of finding your perfect match. Keeping this as an ongoing process, you will never have to admit defeat and settle for someone who doesn’t meet your highest standards.

After knowing exactly what I wanted in a partner, it took me a dedicated year before I actually met the woman for me. I met hundreds of women over that time, further refining my tastes while trusting that it was only a matter of time before the one I really wanted appears.

Have high standards:

If you follow the advice in this article, you will have first decided conclusively what you are looking for, either through experience or through visualisations of how you want to be treated in a relationship. Next you have established with yourself that you are willing to meet a LOT of people in order to make this truly work.

The next piece of the puzzle is to have high standards and be resolute towards conveying them to others. If you want the most fulfilling relationship possible, you can’t settle for anything less. I dated many wonderful women leading up to meeting my girlfriend, Heidi, but I always knew deep down that there were certain parts to their personalities and behaviours that were not necessarily bad but equally were not what I was looking for.

Whilst I agree that some things can be changed and adapted as a relationship progresses, other aspects cannot. If you’ve just started dating someone and are already clashing only a few weeks in, be honest with yourself about whether you truly want to be in the relationship as it is.

Don’t let peers influence your choice of partner:

Everyone wants to be proud of their new girlfriend or boyfriend but do you really need your friends to approve of who you date? I know so many people who put up with incompatible relationships simply because they get validation from having a “trophy girlfriend”. I’ve even known cases of men hiding negative aspects of their relationship and pretending everything is rosy just so they can flaunt the illusion of a happy relationship to their peers.

If you like that certain someone and they have a few extra curves on them, or they are intrinsically clumsy, or they have some weird feature; be unashamedly proud of them! Your true friends will be happy for you if you are happy. Remember, personality is far more important than looks!

Keep searching:

This is one point where I want to be precise with my description. Once you are COMMITTED to your partner (and if you’ve been following the advice in this article, that should only be when you think you’ve found “the one”), you DO want to stop actively searching for other partners. Anything else is simply disrespectful to the setup of the relationship.

During the casual dating phase though, and whilst still deciding and experiencing whether a committed relationship with this current person is right for you, you do want to keep searching. If nothing else, it is useful merely as a comparison. One simplified test to know if someone is right for you – and this is exactly how it happened between me and Heidi – is if they make you WANT to stop seeing anyone else! If you are a person of integrity, one simple rule must be adhered to whilst doing this: Don’t imply that a man or woman you are casually dating is exclusive if they are not. When the relationship is exclusive, stop searching!

Affably groom the relationship:

Grooming sometimes has connotations of manipulation or possessive behaviour, but what it means here is, “your partner might be willing to change certain things for you and you won’t know until you give them a friendly push”. Don’t be a tyrant for double-standards though in a sense that you must be willing to adapt for your partner too if this is the case.

Reward and compliment your partner whenever they do, or try to do, something for you that is outside their usual habits. They will invariably be happy to do them more often if you do.

Be willing to move on if things are not right:

This point promotes what I think is the best mentality to keep a relationship working (up until you have legitimate commitments such as marriage, kids or a shared house at least) and that is an abundance mentality. An abundance mentality can be summed up by the common dating quote, “there are plenty more fish in the sea”. Couples that are inevitably going to breakup, often drag out the separation so much that they end up hating each other, simply because they found it too hard to let go! Not to mention that they’ve actually wasted time finding someone they are more suited to.

Your partner will change over time:

Whether you actively try to or not, your partner will inevitably change their own beliefs and behaviours over time due to their own life experiences. One of the three key components to a consistently fulfilling relationship is being willing to GROW with your partner. When one of you is growing faster than the other, you start to become emotionally distant.

Keep up to date with your partner’s development and embrace their unique journey. The core component for a happy person is personal growth, so it goes without saying that the core component of a happy couple is joint personal growth.

There is no foolproof way to meet the perfect partner, as you are always relying on a certain degree of luck that this person will be attracted into your life. By adhering to some or all of the points in this article, you greatly increase your chances. 🙂

Much love,

Samuel